you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
