the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
