I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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