with your own penis?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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