She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
