i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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