white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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