Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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