Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
