You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
