I love black thongs
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
