Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
