Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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