you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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