I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
