i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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