yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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