Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
