My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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