you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
