i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
