Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize