Someone shit on the floor
i just google imaged poop.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
