Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
