So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
