omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I hope mine doesn't look like that
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
