I just made out with a guy for $7.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Boobs are out for the taking
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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