I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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