I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This is the high leading the old right now
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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