I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
