so explain again why im purple
no
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
