I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
