She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
why is half of my head shaved?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
