rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize