my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
