I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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