I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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