Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
