umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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