We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
