Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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