Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Randomize
