Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
