hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
