moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize