And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
