So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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