just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
