I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize