Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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