i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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