Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
be right there i have to get my cape
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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