bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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