I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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