Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
