Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
