We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
