I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
