So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Too much gin, very little bucket
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
