tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize