just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
this just has baby written all over it
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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