so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
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