Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
