She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
