hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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