When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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