porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
