I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
