we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
