is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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