Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
