it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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