Reggie can tackle my bush.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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