I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
