yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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