I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
